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Fenyx Profile
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Registered: 10-2004
Posts: 867
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You Might be a Redneck Pagan


I just saw this at another site and thought/hoped all of you might find all of it or some of it funny -

Redneck Pagans
You might be a Redneck Pagan if...
•If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door....
•If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....
•If you think a goblet is a young turkey....
•If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....
•If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....
•If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....
•If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....
•If you pronounce "Athame" as "Athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn"....
•If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....
•If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....
•If your Bard plays the banjo....
•If your 'Long Lost Friend really IS....
•If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars....
•If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....
•If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head....
•If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....
•If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....
•If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....
•If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....
•If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....
•If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....
•If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....
•If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....
•If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"....
•If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....
•If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle....
•If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still....
•If you use an engine block for an altar....
•If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife....
•If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"....
•If your pickup truck has an Athame rack....
•If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....
•If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar....

You might be a Redneck Pagan!
www



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A Porch Lover
1/20/2008, 3:47 am Link to this post Send Email to Fenyx   Send PM to Fenyx
 
TexasMadness Profile
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Registered: 03-2007
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 3972
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Re: You Might be a Redneck Pagan



Fenyx wrote:

•If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....




emoticon

tehehe emoticon

Last edited by TexasMadness, 1/20/2008, 3:26 pm
1/20/2008, 3:26 pm Link to this post Send Email to TexasMadness   Send PM to TexasMadness
 
Saijen SilverWolf Profile
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Registered: 10-2004
Location: Upper North East Tennessee
Posts: 3871
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Re: You Might be a Redneck Pagan


OMG....These are too funny!!!!!

Thanks for the giggle, Fenyx!!!! emoticon

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Blessed Be,
~*~ Saijen ~*~

~~*~~ .~~*~~
1/21/2008, 3:25 pm Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf Yahoo
 


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