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TexasMadness
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"Saving" marriage in Texas
Obviously, marriage has been on my mind a lot recently. Our one year anniversary is coming up and it was the date we wanted to get married...but then family intervened and the wedding isn't until the spring. Well, we've been tossing around the idea of eloping and just having the big party in the spring. Now I've changed my mind.
The only think different about being "married" is that the government will recognize us as a couple. We have already committed ourselves to each other. But that piece of paper proclaiming our marriage is what other people recognize too. Well, I'm no longer buying into the system as much as I once did. Actually, before I met Chad, I figured I would never get "married" because I saw it as a Christian ceremony and a legal document, neither of which I cared about. But then once we met, I realized that it's also showing the world that you are committed to each other.
Anyway, I'm off the whole "let's get married now!" thing. Mostly because of some recent news stories. Texas is out to "save" marriage. This is being done in 3 steps:
Step 1: Ban gay marriage. Oh, what a wonderful way to save marriage. Don't let people who love each other get married. Mmm hmm. This step has been accomplished.
Step 2: Make the marriage license expensive UNLESS you take pre-marital classes from Lutheran Social Services. Arg. This takes effect on September 1st.
Step 3: Make divorce next to impossible unless you go through another (yet to be determined) Christian counseling session and wait 2 years after filing. This will go into effect sometime next year after it has been finalized.
So...looks like now the legal part of marriage IS the Christian part. What a mess. I'm so annoyed that I've decided that Chad and I will have our own private commitment on our anniversary and get the silly legal document at the wedding in the spring.
What do you think about Texas' plan to save marriage? Does your state/country have anything similar? What do you think about the government sticking their noses so deep into the personal lives of citizens? Should saving marriage really be so high on the list of things the government needs to do? What happened to separation of Church and State?!?!
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8/28/2008, 2:35 pm
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TexasMadness
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
Ha! Just found out that Chad and I already married! We have a common law marriage legal in the state of Texas because we fit these three things:
Three elements must be present to form a common law marriage in Texas.
First, you must have "agreed to be married."
Second, you must have "held yourselves out" as husband and wife. You must have represented to others that you were married to each other. As an example of this, you may have introduced you partner socially as "my husband," or you may have filed a joint income tax return.
Third, you must have lived together in this state as husband and wife.
We are engaged, so that's #1. When we went on a business trip, most people called him my husband and I never corrected them (this actually counts, I read the FAQ*!) so that's #2. And we've been living together for almost 8 months and that's #3. So....guess none of this matters anyway?
Maybe we will just start calling each other husband and wife on our anniversary and make it "official" or something. Silly laws!
*FAQ info: "If you knew that you were being introduced in this fashion and did nothing to correct the impression that you were married, you may well be in a common law marriage."
Last edited by TexasMadness, 8/28/2008, 2:48 pm
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8/28/2008, 2:47 pm
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Firlefanz
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
I'm amazed that Texas can pass these laws, and not have them pulled down as discriminating. I mean, making everyone take Christian classes? Whatever became of religious freedom?
*shakes head*
And that divorce law is even worse. I'm sure they'll get sued over that. Heh. Silly Texan lawmakers.
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8/28/2008, 3:23 pm
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MagiCat
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
I wonder if the U.S. will EVER get back to separation of church and state.
sigh.
Ditto to what you both said -- that's really unbelievable.
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8/28/2008, 5:35 pm
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TexasMadness
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
Well, they aren't "making" you take classes from Lutheran Social Services - it's just costs $10 for a license if you do. Otherwise it's going to be somewhere around $100 I think. So that's kinda like making you though!
The way the law was written actually says nothing about who runs the premarital classes - they just have to be "state approved"...and the state only approved LSS. So on the books it's on the up and up but in reality it's pretty church+state if you ask me. Sigh.
I can't imagine making people wait for 2 years to divorce. Granted, this is for an uncontested divorce - not a case of adultery or abuse (forgot to mention in the first post). But still, if they both "hate" each other now that's plenty of emotional abuse making them stayed married whether or not it's simply a piece of paper. You gotta have that to move on with your life!
I have yet to tell Chad we are married. He's picking me up for lunch in a few minutes and I'm going to inform him then! I think we will just start officially saying we are married on the 1st (our anniversary) and circumvent the silly laws until we get a license.
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8/28/2008, 6:48 pm
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Fenyx
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
well, Madness that sounds pretty neat. If you are 'common-law' married, can you get a 'common-law" divorce (I know, no such thing.).
And you could live apart for the 2 years if it applied. I know people that are married and are in the next relationship as the divorce costs too much money. (or cannot get no fault co-operation from the other party/or both ).
Fenyx
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9/1/2008, 4:08 am
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TexasMadness
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
If you have a common law marriage in Texas and either own property or have kids together, than you have to go through a legitimate divorce. I actually know a guy who had to do that. Very expensive! I don't know if any special rules apply to the common law thing at all.
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9/2/2008, 4:20 am
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Saijen SilverWolf
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
I know most states have the ban on gay marriage, which really irks me, since my oldest daughter is gay, and she and her girlfriend would love to be married. I'd accept her g/f as my daughter-in-law without question. I love her to pieces..she's a wonderful girl.
I honestly think that perhaps the government needs to just butt out and let things take their natural course.
Here in Tennessee, the license also costs more unless you do the pre-marriage sessions. It's $60 if you do the classes, $100 if you don't. At least y'all have a bigger savings if you do the classes. I'm not sure if Tennessee has a common law thing in place or not. Alabama used to, but I've been told that it's been dumped..who knows!
I like the idea that you and Chad have, but I think it's stupid to have to take any form of class just to get married and get a license cheaper. My DH and I didn't bother with the classes...we paid the $90. There won't be a divorce, so no worries there..and that's another thing. A class to get divorced, then having to wait for 2 years!! That's nuts. My middle daughter and youngest daughter are both working on getting their divorces now..but they both had to wait until they had the funding. My youngest has hers paid for...but nothing's happened yet. The middle one, she still has some to go to get hers paid for. I'll be so glad when they both are out of those marriages..but, they have both moved on, regardless. The middle, Sadieona (a member here) has an awesome young man in her life (Torin, who is also a member here)...and my youngest has a good guy in here life as well. Sadiena and Torin are hoping to get married in April of next year. My youngest...she's not making any plans for marriage of any kind. They are living together, and perfectly happy with how things are for now. I can only say..go for it kiddos!!
Have you and Chad considered finding a Pagan person to do your wedding for you? You can have a traditional type wedding, but without all the Christian stuff tossed in. If I ever get my third degree status, I can then work towards getting a license to perform marriages, and there are a lot of Pagan ceremonies that are not geared too far into Paganism or WitchCraft, just for those who have a mixed group of people and they prefer that some of them don't KNOW they are Pagan or Witches. I was amazed. I found them all online..something you may want to think about. Doesn't help the license cost issue and class situation any....just thought I'd toss that in for food for thought.
--- Blessed Be,
~*~ Saijen ~*~
~~*~~ .~~*~~
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9/17/2008, 4:19 pm
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TexasMadness
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
We have thought about getting a Wiccan Priestess. It depends on the state as to whether or not they can legally officiate and I forgot to check for Texas. We just still aren't sure yet!
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9/17/2008, 7:26 pm
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Saijen SilverWolf
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Re: "Saving" marriage in Texas
Call your county courthouse where marriage licenses are issued and ask if using a Wiccan Priest or Priestess is allowed for a legal marriage. If they do, and you don't have anyone specific in mind, ask if they have a list. Most of them do.
--- Blessed Be,
~*~ Saijen ~*~
~~*~~ .~~*~~
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9/18/2008, 8:04 pm
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