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Saijen SilverWolf1 Profile
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What am I?


Ok. Queeny opened this [sign in to see URL]. There was a thread about not lumping all Pagans under the title of Wicca/Wiccan, posted originally by Joie, back in 2006. Naturally, all of us that posted agreed with her. It's not fair to group all Pagans under that label.

I mentioned that I following a Wiccan path, and that I was truly enjoying it. Since that post, the classes I was taking have ceased. I have done a lot of re-evaluating my 'path' and I simply do not know what termonology to use when it comes to myself.
This being said, I am going to post some things about myself and see if anyone can help me figure out just what I am.

**I LOVE plants, as is usually noted every spring by my tales of new flowers, trees or bushes I've planted in the yard. Also by the garden and the canning that we do.
I DO talk to trees.
**I will not allow any pruning to be done until I speak with whatever is about to be pruned and explain what is about to happen, and get permission. If permission is not given, I won't allow the pruning to happen. **I talk to my plants/flowers(lots of people do). I do believe in 'magic'. I just can't always make things work the way I want.
**I believe in the Goddess, but I also believe in a God.
**I hate hurting anything, especially if it is weaker than I am, but I will kill things that hurt me (bugs I [sign in to see URL] [sign in to see URL])
**I see things that no one else can see. For a long time, there was what I called a 'shadow kitty' that came to visit. My cats knew when it was here.
**I hear things no one else can hear. So many times I'll be in the house alone. Nothing on, no TV, no radio or CD [sign in to see URL], yet I can hear voices. I can tell the difference between male and female. I can hear the inflections in the voices, but I can't understand what is being said. Keep in mind that I live out in the country and voices don't carry like what I hear. It almost sounds like a newscast or something.
**Many times, something will happen, or I'll say something and before anyone can respond, I'll reply with what they were thinking, yet I can't read minds.
**It seems that I attract ghosts/spirits. Sometimes they hang around for a while. Other times, they are simply passing through.
**When my ex-husband's grandmother was murdered, she came to me the night she was buried. They had a closed casket service because her head was mush (or so they said). When she came to me, she was perfect. Her snow-white hair was beautiful, not bloody. She tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear her. I freaked [sign in to see URL] because she was [sign in to see URL] because I couldn't hear her. (not sure this has anything to do with anything, but figured it couldn't hurt to add it.

I'm sure there are other things, I just can't think of them at the moment.

If anyone has any idea of which direction I should look to further the path I'm already on, I would appreciate it.

---
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
~~@Saijen@~~
4/12/2010, 3:09 am Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf1   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf1 Yahoo
 
de Corbin Profile
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Re: What am I?


Personally, my feeling is that, unless you really feel like you need one, you're better off without a name. That way you don't have to worry about conforming to a specific set of beliefs, and you can feel open to going whreever the winds blow you.

(weirdly, I've seen "shadow kitties" myself emoticon . )

---

4/12/2010, 7:57 pm Link to this post Send Email to de Corbin   Send PM to de Corbin
 
Saijen SilverWolf1 Profile
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Re: What am I?


Hey there Corbin!! Good to see ya!!!!! emoticon

After I posted that, I thought about the whole label thing. I guess I'm one of those that may not need an exact label, but I kinda wanna know where I fall in all of this.
I'm one of these people that, when I get sick with something I've never had, or am hurting differently than usual for longer than I think I should, I get extremely frustrated and panicky until I find out what's wrong. As soon as I have a name for it, I'm OK. It's just something that I [sign in to see URL], I have no [sign in to see URL].
I think I just need a name for a more certain direction than anything. I guess I could make up my own. See, I don't know if I lean toward Green Witch, Kitchen Witch, just plain ole Witch, I have no clue what some of the paths mean, like Asatru and such. I need to do some research, but I have a hard time concentrating enough to really dig.

---
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
~~@Saijen@~~
4/13/2010, 5:12 am Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf1   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf1 Yahoo
 
Queenyforever Profile
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Re: What am I?


[sign in to see URL] guess I should have put my "novel" in here instead of the other topic where I asked that Question about being Pagan! emoticon

All my life, I've 'felt' that there were things about me. Shadows, sometimes I can catch a glimpse out of the corner of my eye. But they have never seemed harmful, so I was never worried. I have heard voices, especially just before falling asleep. (I used to think it was the booze! emoticon )But now I have no excuse or explanation.
But mostly the voices are calming, like a nice song or chant and they help me fall asleep, they help my pain... emoticon
Like Saijen, I have actually had better conversations with my pets and my plants than with people... emoticon
I'm not sure if I need a "NAME"...but what I am looking for is a definite path to follow. I fear more than anything, losing the love I have in my heart and ending up lost again.
Daily the pain, nags at [sign in to see URL] to push me towards things I do not want.
I am slightly jealous of my son... emoticon I wish I knew what I was, so that I could seek help in finding my path as he has....

(OH AND [sign in to see URL] the other topic, when I said I felt as though I'd known you a 100 [sign in to see URL] was not implying that you were [sign in to see URL] meant that you felt comfortable, like I had known you a long time.. emoticon )

---

*The noblest art is that of making others happy ~ P.T. Barnum.*
'Stay where there are songs."....Gypsy proverb~

4/13/2010, 2:02 pm Link to this post Send Email to Queenyforever   Send PM to Queenyforever Blog
 
Saijen SilverWolf1 Profile
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Re: What am I?



Queenyforever wrote:

[sign in to see URL] guess I should have put my "novel" in here instead of the other topic where I asked that Question about being Pagan! emoticon


[sign in to see URL]'s OK. Seems topics always make it to where they are meant to be!! Don't sweat it LOL.


(OH AND [sign in to see URL] the other topic, when I said I felt as though I'd known you a 100 [sign in to see URL] was not implying that you were [sign in to see URL] meant that you felt comfortable, like I had known you a long time.. emoticon )



 emoticon SUREeeeee!!!! [sign in to see URL], I know what you mean. I feel the same way. You are just comfortable. Very easy to 'talk' to, and we seem to have a great deal in common. I told my DH about a week or so ago, and I feel like we are old friends. I feel the same way about my best friend. Like we knew each other in a past life, perhaps, or were sisters or some-such. It's always so nice to come across people you feel this way about/with. Makes life much happier.

Queeny, have you ever done a good full-blown meditation to help with your pain? I know when mine gets so bad at times and all I can do is curl up in my chair or in bed, I close my eyes and just do a [sign in to see URL] my [sign in to see URL] out loud. I actually made several chants when I was in Wicca classes. One I love is:

I am Air and Air is me, as I will so mote it be.

I am Fire and Fire is me, as I will so mote it be.

I am Water and Water is me, as I will so mote it be.

I am Earth and Earth is me, as I will so mote it be.

I am Spirit and Spirit is me, as I will so mote it be.

Now, the 'so mote it be' part is purely [sign in to see URL] don't have to use that, but this is exactly as I wrote it. You could substitute it for something like...

I am Air and Air is me, As I am, to be pain free.
I am Fire and Fire is me, As I am, to be pain [sign in to see URL], etc, etc.
Or create your own ending to each of the elemental statements. Something that makes you concentrate on what you are saying, rather than what you are feeling. I usually fall asleep doing [sign in to see URL]. for me to sleep when I hurt so badly, I either have to be totally doped up, or, the pain has to have lessened enough for me to fall asleep.

Just a thought. Or, if you wish, write your own [sign in to see URL] if you want, I can try to come up with one especially for you. emoticon I can SO identify with what you are feeling, and what you mean about the pain pushing you in a direction you aren't sure you want to go in. If I had allowed my pain to push me, I'd be in a wheelchair now. I was told 11.5 years ago that by the time I was 44 I would be in [sign in to see URL], I'm 51 now, and still not in a chair!!!!! It's hard some [sign in to see URL] I'll take hard over being pushed around!!!



---
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
~~@Saijen@~~
4/15/2010, 8:25 pm Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf1   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf1 Yahoo
 
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Re: What am I?



If I had allowed my pain to push me, I'd be in a wheelchair now. I was told 11.5 years ago that by the time I was 44 I would be in [sign in to see URL], I'm 51 now, and still not in a chair!!!!! It's hard some [sign in to see URL] I'll take hard over being pushed around!!!


Isn't it great to prove those "know-it-all" doctors wrong? emoticon
I'd love to meet the one who told me the same thing. (not that he'd remember [sign in to see URL] I'd like to show him just the same! emoticon )

I've never done a chant of any [sign in to see URL] a physical therapist once taught me how to sort of do this 'bio-feedback'...or send your mind some place else thing...(Son actually says that this maybe a weak form of "projection"...something his Wiccan friend mentioned to him.. emoticon)
If you can send you mind to a place that is so REAL, so [sign in to see URL] you can literally with your eyes [sign in to see URL], feel and hear it, then your body will release endorphins that can help with pain.
I go to my favorite place from when I was a [sign in to see URL] Lake, just outside of Bishop [sign in to see URL]'d hike there, camp there, fish there...
I can close my eyes and within 15 to 20 minutes (of COMPLETE silence, hard to do now that hubby works 5 feet away from me! emoticon
), but I can smell the pine from the trees, feel the damp earth and smell that musty smell that forest leaves [sign in to see URL] can feel the granite rocks, and hear the waves from the lake lapping on the [sign in to see URL] the squirrels running and the birds [sign in to see URL] soft rustle of the breeze in the tops of the evergreens...
OH [sign in to see URL] writing about it, is making me feel more relaxed! emoticon
But I've always used that technique...
Perhaps when I fall asleep [sign in to see URL]'ll try the chant either alone or with my [sign in to see URL] you for sharing that hon. emoticon

---

*The noblest art is that of making others happy ~ P.T. Barnum.*
'Stay where there are songs."....Gypsy proverb~

4/15/2010, 9:39 pm Link to this post Send Email to Queenyforever   Send PM to Queenyforever Blog
 
Saijen SilverWolf1 Profile
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Re: What am I?


I wish I were as mentally capable of going to those 'places'. Used to I could, without a problem. Not sure if it's medication or what that has kind of (as my SIL would say) knocked that in the head, or what. I guess that's one reason I like the [sign in to see URL] have to concentrate on the words, rather than on my pain. Of course, there ARE times when the pain is so bad that the ONLY thing that helps is a strong pain [sign in to see URL] to literally put me out. Thankfully, those are fewer than they used to be.

And I don't mind sharing tips like these. If we can't help each other with things like this as well as with our spiritual(or lack there-of) things and homesteading/gardening/etc questions, then we're not much good to each other. We must help with the good and the bad, [sign in to see URL] we're able.

I may have to try to go to my 'happy place' again, just to see if I can do it. It's been a long [sign in to see URL] you for the inspiration!!! emoticon

(and don't you just LOVE that musty smell that a dense wood/forest has?)

---
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
~~@Saijen@~~
4/17/2010, 10:29 pm Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf1   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf1 Yahoo
 
muladzh Profile
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Re: What am I?


Ok, I'll bite.

You are a child of the earth, a tethered spirit in temporary guise, material only this once, to return to the realm of Nature, some day.

Whilst you are here, you go from thought to thought, process to process, and belief to belief. What you ignore whilst here, is that you really know all of it anyway. Look inside, and see Nature at it's best, and sit for a while, thinking what you can give to Nature, not what it can give to you.

And, assuredly, to Nature you will return, so look forward to it, and rejoice the prospect, whilst supporting life and nature whilst you bide a while in bones and skin.

---

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Queenyforever Profile
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[sign in to see URL] that gave me goosebumps, and for some reason brought some tears to my eyes. I WISH you were describing me, and not Saijen (this is her topic)emoticon So, I guess that means you must have hit a 'nerve' or touched a part of me someplace long hidden.
I can not say for certain if what you were describing would be my path, but considering my life so far, I do believe you have come closer than anyone to describing me. (Even if you were describing Saijen emoticon )
See,I've never feared, or been repelled by death in any way. I've always known my time here was temporary, but never feared what came next in the journey. And I do look forward to returning to Nature. I try not only take things away from Nature (as my photos of my travels show) but also I try to give back. I never harm, nor take things not asked for. If walking in the woods, I reach out and let the pine needles slide through my fingers, I thank them for giving me they're scent to carry with [sign in to see URL] I took a picture of the little woodpecker that visited last week, I thanked him for waiting patiently for me to grab my camera... emoticon
 Thank you Muladzh, I really like what you [sign in to see URL] matter that you were probably describing Saijen.. emoticon


And [sign in to see URL] so hope you can get to your happy [sign in to see URL] drugs can make us fall asleep before we can get there. I know when I was in the hospital, the combination of Steroids and morphine would not allow me to get to my lake.. emoticon So I lied to the docs and told them on a scale of 1 to 10 for pain that mine had dropped to a 4 or [sign in to see URL] enough to get off the morphine..(which I hated!)...and then I could get there again.


(and don't you just LOVE that musty smell that a dense wood/forest has?)


YES!! That smell is soooo "HOME" is all I can explain it as..

---

*The noblest art is that of making others happy ~ P.T. Barnum.*
'Stay where there are songs."....Gypsy proverb~

4/19/2010, 5:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to Queenyforever   Send PM to Queenyforever Blog
 
Saijen SilverWolf1 Profile
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Re: What am I?


Queeny, I think that muladzh's description was of human-kind, not just of [sign in to see URL], he WAS decribing you!!! emoticon
The way I read what he is saying, is that for me to 'get to my happy place' to stop trying to imagine it and make it come to me, but to maybe imagine myself giving back to it, therefor being able to see it in that light and in doing so, it comes to me unbidden. At least that is my perception of what he said. I may be totally wrong, but I don't think so.

I had never thought of getting there via that route, but it actually seems to be a more logical way to go about it.
Not that I'm very logical at the [sign in to see URL] I were to close my eyes long enough right now, I'd be asleep!!! lol

muladzh, thank you!! emoticon

---
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
~~@Saijen@~~
4/20/2010, 8:08 pm Link to this post Send Email to Saijen SilverWolf1   Send PM to Saijen SilverWolf1 Yahoo
 


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